This calling pushed me over the edge and caused me to leave mormonism.

This is an epic thread from RFM. EPIC. What callings pushed you over the edge to leave mormonism? Read these, and post your own in the comments!

 

Subject: What “calling” pushed you over the edge???
Date: Aug 10 19:02
Author: Ben Ben
Mail Address:

After reading Primus’ thread regarding the splits coordinator, I suddenly had a flashback to my most favoritest calling ever…..SACRAMENT PASSER COORDINATOR!After 30 years in the church, no joke, this was the calling that about had me resign while I was still active!

My job was to simply make sure the sacrament was passed every week. But the Elders quorum presidency couldn’t even let that small of an assignment from being disected and corrected.

Somehow that little calling turned into an almost weekly lecturing about how I was doing it wrong.

For instance, it was highly inappropriate to send around a sign-up sheet “This is a church of assignment! Not volunteering!” So I stopped sending around the sign-up sheet.

So I then began calling the elders either the night before or the morning of church–we didn’t start until 1pm. But then I got called in for this too! Apparently my logic was faulty. Apparently it doesn’t make sense to call them the morning of church when they will be less likely to forget.

So I was told I needed to create a master list and assign 32-40 people to sign up for sacrament at the BEGINNING of the month! If I did this, THEN it was OK to make reminder calls the morning of church. I implemented this and, of course, the morning of church, I would find out that of the 8 elders needed, only 4 would be attending that day. So, as expected, I needed to make phone calls the morning of church or run around as the elders walked into the chapel to find enough people.

Then there was the routes that the elders were to take when passing the sacrament. I relied upon the routes I had used in my home ward. While there was no problem with my routes, I was chastised for my “map.” Yes, my map! I did mine nice and neat with a few short arrows to show who passes to which rows. “No no….you must use this map!” The EQP had created their own map with sections of the chapel highlighted and color corrdinated with the passers. But they forgot to assign someone for the bishop and stand. When I pointed this out…wow! you would have thought that I just broke the news to them that their wives were cheating on them…such hurt on their faces…”Well, still, you should use our map.”

Eventually, I called them out on their crap. It was during a PPI and I told them that I had never had such problems with a calling as I have had with them and this tiny calling. The 2nd couselor for EQ started saying that the stake presidency wanted this and that and yaddah yaddah yaddah…..I think I was subconsciously starting my withdrawal from the church from this petty behavior. I still don’t know whether I believe their claim that it was the stake presidency who wanted all these things. Afterall, it WAS a BYU married ward…so it could be the EQP had such a well behaved ward that they were just LOOKING for something….ANYTHING….to correct and exercise authority over. Or it could literally be that the stake presidency wanted their mittens on even the smallest of callings…such as the calling that sent me on my way: Sacrament passer coordinator!

Thank GOD for morons!!!

Subject: Re: What “calling” pushed you over the edge??? ONE? the Bishop throwing a fit.!
Date: Aug 10 19:05
Author: SusieQ#1
Mail Address:


Another one: the Bishop allowing a man to stay in the women’s rest room with his wife in a wheel chair, during meetings – hiding in the women’s child care area.
That was my “Last Straw” – putting up with total nuts!
Subject: YW secretary (counselor, whatever)
Date: Aug 10 19:56
Author: OutontheFarm
Mail Address:


Being a convert, I had no idea of the brainwashing involved. When I realized my daughter would soon be joining this group, I knew I had to get out and take our family with me.
Subject: Ward Pianist
Date: Aug 10 19:57
Author: Louisa
Mail Address:


I started piano lessons when I was five years old and, unlike my brothers, forced to continue until I was pretty good. Because of this, playing the piano had a lot to do with my church memories. When I was in young women I would rarely get to sit through all of young women’s because I would be pulled out to play in primary because someone didn’t show up. Of course, I would have to finish playing the songs in young women’s first.This continued to callings to play for Relief Society, choir, Sacrament meeting, etc. etc. From the time I was 14, until I was 24 all I did was play the piano. No other callings. I was sick of it. I loved to play the piano for myself but I was sick of having to play hymns and accompany people.

I moved to Washington and was in a terrible branch. The presidency was made of lecherous men who made my skin crawl especially one of the counselors who had chosen me to be extra touchy-feely with. Well, I was called to his office one day (this was after trying to avoid him for weeks) and he went on this huge spill about how the spirit had told him about this wonderful, amazing calling I would be thrilled to do.

(Before going to the meeting I had a feeling I would get a calling. I said a prayer pretty much saying, “God. If there really is a god, then I’ll be offered a calling that has nothing to do with playing the piano. Especially not sacrament meeting pianist.”)

You guessed it. Here I am sitting next to this disgusting man. His knee is pressed up against mine and all I keep thinking is, “I need to swim in lye after this.” He’s droning on and on how he’s received revelation and then he says, “Sacrament pianist.” I burst out laughing. Told him, “Hell, no.” Got up and never went back to the branch. (Although I did go home and shower.)

Subject: executive secretary . . .
Date: Aug 10 20:13
Author: Grubby Gert
Mail Address:


nothing destroys a testimonkey like getting into the bishopric meetings and seeing how things really workfinding out who can’t get called to the new ward whatsit because of this, that or the other sin

finding out that some members actually just say, “no,” when they are asked to accept a calling

finding out that “inspiration” amounts to nothing more than putting the list of vacancies next to the list of availables

i really did feel bad for the RS prez though – she was a good friend of my ex and she was in tears when the bishop told her that so-and-so couldn’t be called to be in her presidency – the poor girl was distraught, “but the spirit told me to call her . . .”

oh, and to top it all off there was the pissing contest between bishops in our stake – EVERYTHING was a competition – valid TRs, attendance, tithing, FOs, you name it and we were competing with the other wards

no, scratch that – the bishop was competing with the other bishops for the “ass-kisser of the stake” award

it was everything i hated about my mission: numbers and reports and “goals” and make-work assignments

after 3 months it was all over for me . . .

Subject: Re: executive secretary . . . Oh, yes.
Date: Aug 10 20:49
Author: Matt
Mail Address:


The Bishop who kept doing what HE wanted and hang the rules! (Often with bad consequences (but never for him) the High Councilman’s Group Leader who was an utter arse who knew everything, so would never listen to anyone else. The RS president who LOVED to gossip.I was released because I had this terrible habit of trying to have the meetings run by the book. That taught me a valuable lesson.

The next Exec Sec was released for pretty much the same reason.

Subject: I could handle nursery, but when toilet cleaning was assigned, it was over. nt
Date: Aug 10 20:17
Author: Topper
Mail Address:


 
Subject: Ward clerk and EQP
Date: Aug 10 20:31
Author: Layne Staley
Mail Address:


EQP was the final straw. I wouldn’t and couldn’t put up with the BS anymore. I saw what I interpreted as the SEEDY underbelly of the Priesthood chain of command. I was spending so much time trying to do a good job, and the only “thanks” I got was constant reminders of what I “wasn’t” getting done. I was away from my family two to three nights a week, and then half the days on Saturday (moving people) and then for 6 hours or more on Sundays. This is abusive pain and simple. This isn’t even common decency.Here’s the kicker. When I told the STake guy that I was needing to be released, he told me…and I qoute “I think you are taking this calling too seriously”. REally?

Never again.

Subject: Re: Ward clerk and EQP
Date: Aug 10 21:11
Author: George
Mail Address:


Webelos Leader. I know, its scouts, but the calling came from the bishop. I held the job for 2 years, I had approximately a dozen boys. I NEVER had an assistant.
I was going through a divorce, living in a small apartment where meetings were
sometimes held. We had outings. My truck w/ camper shell was loaded with kids frequently. When I demanded release, my bishop, without asking, try to sustain me to a higher up scout calling. I stood and voted against myself. The motion
got quickly withdrawn (he did apologize). The new Webelos guy got 2 assistants immediately. I never felt the same toward the church.
Subject: young mens president nt
Date: Aug 10 21:46
Author: msa
Mail Address:


mainly as a result of seeing the inner workings of the bishopric at ward counsel etc.It become immediately apparent that there was something wrong, and my cozy world was blown to he@@.
Subject: Missionary. n/t
Date: Aug 10 20:30
Author: Makurosu
Mail Address:


 
Subject: Yep, same here. NT
Date: Aug 11 10:20
Author: innervessel
Mail Address:


 
Subject: sunday school secretary… and a long story
Date: Aug 10 21:07
Author: SweetZ
Mail Address:


… as a woman that’s the only calling in the sunday school I was allowed to hold… the president didn’t do a damn thing and I did pretty much everything… I also devised a method to keep an accurate attendance in our somewhat transient ward. I entered attendance on an excel spreadsheet and updated the membership monthly dropping those who left the ward and adding new members according to the membership list provided to me monthly by the ward clerk.The attendance in Sunday school was 28% which seemed about right for this singles ward… lot of people attending different wards, lots of “sacrament only” members, and lots of names of people who we have never seen.

The first counselor in the bishopric reviewed my report and changed the number from 28% to 78% which he felt was a “more accurate reflection” of our actual attendance. I showed him my numbers and how I arrived at the 28% to prove that there was no mathematical error… He simply said, that after prayerful consideration, the 78% was the accurate number.. He then asked me to sign the corrected report. I refused. I quit the calling. A few months later I started working on Sundays after I got a promotion at work. After missing church for three months, I called my hometeachers for a priesthood blessing (I was going in for surgery) My home teacher said that he wasn’t my home teacher anymore, but that he would be happy to give me the blessing… He then tried to find out who my home teacher was just so I would know and he came back and told me that my records had been transferred out of the ward…. after THREE MONTHS of “inactivity” I called the First counselor in the bishopric and he informed me that singles wards were for active members only and that my records had been sent along to the family ward… What BULLSHIT. I was actively receiving visiting and home teachers AND I was even still DOING my visiting teaching.. I just couldn’t make it to church for a while because of my work schedule.. This asshole just wanted rid of me.. to this day I still don’t know if he sent my records away to cut out dead weight from the ward or if it was personal because I refused to sign his falsified document.

Subject: well, 28% IS 78% if you have the spirit & squint your eyes,
Date: Aug 11 10:17
Author: nonmemberfriend
Mail Address:


really really hard, pray, and WANT it enough. You just lacked faith.
Subject: I really hated working in the YW progam
Date: Aug 10 22:15
Author: Kirsten
Mail Address:


Because I teach HS, I guess they thought it was a natural calling for me. I mean, I’m around HS kids all week long, might as well be around them on Sunday too. Ugh.I hated everything about it. The activities were lame and the other leaders wanted to “groom” the girls to be little molly mos. I couldn’t handle it.
Subject: Re: What “calling” pushed you over the edge???
Date: Aug 10 22:26
Author: Maggie
Mail Address:


Gospel Doctrine teacher
Subject: Maggie, mine also was Gospel Doctrine teacher. What…
Date: Aug 10 23:12
Author: Elizabeth
Mail Address:


in particular sent you over the edge?Mine was the inconsistency of the temple version of the creation and the biblical version. Then I started reading the ‘sources’ of the quotes which the manual said wasn’t necessary. What I found was so incredible that I could hardly believe what the prophets had said and done historically.

Another gospel doctrine teacher called me toward the end of my discoveries and started to ask me similar questions about what she was discovering. I told her that unless she wants to accept what she finds, she shouldn’t investigate further.

I don’t know what she decided to do as I never talked with her again.

I left and haven’t been back for almost 5 years. Sundays are so truly relaxing and beautiful now.

Subject: Unsupervised study of the gospel will ruin any testimony-study only what you’re told….n/t
Date: Aug 11 00:39
Author: confused
Mail Address:


 
Subject: Over the years I think the #1 has been Gosp Doc. nt
Date: Aug 11 01:04
Author: Susan I/S
Mail Address:


 
Subject: One word, Anal. n/t
Date: Aug 10 22:40
Author: LOG
Mail Address:


 
Subject: Baked Potato Coordinator
Date: Aug 10 22:48
Author: Curious Workmanship
Mail Address:


Okay, this wasn’t my calling, but it was my roomate’s, and she was so proud of it. When she announced her new calling to me and her brother (my fiance at the time) I burst out laughing asking if it was a joke. She was seriously offended! It was a singles ward and we had a “break the fast” baked potato buffet (buffet, not BAR) every fast Sunday. I still think it’s funny.My DH and I were called to be “Mormon Telemarketers.” At least, that’s what we called it. Magazine reps. Whatever. I knew who would do the calling, and it wasn’t DH, so I said “no way.”

Thanks for the thread, I needed a good laugh!

Subject: Re: Baked Potato Coordinator
Date: Aug 11 10:18
Author: nonmemberfriend
Mail Address:


that is too funny!
Subject: My calling was “home teacher”
Date: Aug 11 00:27
Author: beeblequix
Mail Address:


I remember trying to use the manipulation, er, commitment pattern principles and skills on an inactive lady to try to get her to see how her life would improve by taking her and her son to church for three hours on Sunday to sit in some stuffy, boring place listening to people drone on and on about paying 10% for your salvation as if it wasn’t a giant cash grab from the ignorant, where everyone is phony and nobody really likes each other but pretends to out of fear or reprisal from Skydaddy with a known itchy trigger finger, instead of them going shopping, or to the movies, or spending quality time together…. Somehow I couldn’t understand why their way of spending time together and saving what small funds they had for their humble meals and small activities made more sense on every level when compared to mine — 3 hours of meetings, home teaching, studying lessons, avoiding movies, books and websites broadly labeled “antimormon” or “non-faith-promoting”, cramming 7 day’s worth of life into 6 days so I can bust my ass on the day I was supposed to be resting so I could run through the Mormon Minefield of Guilt again and again, never being good enough, never able to repent enough or go to enough church meetings to finally beat the poison out of me, because within just milliseconds I’ve already committed yet another sin whether by omission or commission….It just didn’t make any sense — almost like I had it all backwards (impossible, I know).Imagine my astonishment when I was able to see from the outside of the Mormon Mind Cage and all I had to do was accept the destruction of most social relationships and seriously strained some others. I may have a twisted view of Mormonism but it doesn’t make it less valid than the average person — just contains more clear recollections of how ass-backwards the whole thing is. There should be contraindications read from the pulpit every week warning everyone who joins that non-whitewashed knowledge of Mormon history will severely damage their psyche, that many who are called and can’t handle the constant trips up & down Kimball’s ladder of repentance end up with mental health issues, with lost opportunities, with retarded social skills, with significantly less common sense than their non-mormon peers, with guilt complexes over the most otherwise normal things, with infantile superstitions and completely unreasonable expectations. For any supposed good thing Mormonism does it pays that back a hundredfold in bad things.

Just my .000002 cents.

Subject: Beeblequix, you said it so well!!
Date: Aug 11 00:57
Author: JBug
Mail Address:


I completely understand…looks like our church experiences were a lot alike.
I especially like the line about cramming 7 days worth of life into 6!!!Those inactive people had it right the whole time.
Subject: Stake Mission Presidency secretary. I created and administered . . .
Date: Aug 11 01:00
Author: robertb
Mail Address:


a training program for ward missionaries. Then it occurred to me I didn’t believe any longer. So, I explained this to members of the Stake Mission Presidency, who were my friends and I liked, resigned the calling, and began the short period of inactivity that preceding my resignation.
Subject: it was theaching 16 to 18 year olds
Date: Aug 11 01:35
Author: TopoJoeJoe
Mail Address:


We had the worst ward ever, and I was the 5th teacher called to teach these 16-18 year olds in less than one year. I foolishly accepted. I worked full time, went to night school, volunteered with Women Immigrants in the workforce, and stayed up till the early morning hours to prepare the lessons for the class. It was such horribly boring material and I was trying so hard to get these kids to listen and be interested.
I was in the middle of a class one day, asking someone to read this scripture (hahaha, right, scripture), when they just started tossing the BOM from one person to the next. I sat down, and a bright light clicked, of course these kids don’t want to listen to this nonsense! Why am I teaching them about some bullshit prophet like I know him personally and could vouch for his character? After a while the kids all noticed I was sitting not saying anything. Then I put all my manuals on the floor, got up and walked out of class. I got my husband, and we both never, ever went back.
Oh yeah.. just the week before the bishop had me give a talk about keeping the sabbath even while you are away on vacation (you should go to church even if you are camping people! – make sure to pack that suit, and plenty of spook underwears).
Subject: When they called me and my husband to set up the overflow chairs for a year. language
Date: Aug 11 01:43
Author: tngal
Mail Address:


They promised that the priest would help us… oh and our ward started at 8:30 in the morning… no priest after a few weeks of doing it they finally told us no one was going to help us. The great thing was only like 20 people sat in them for our ward but they wanted us to set up 150 for the other 3 wards that shared our building.
We missed one morning out of a whole year and they called us to complain, i was soo pissed i almost didn’t do it anymore. We couldn’t get anyone to cover that day for us.. go figure. well whatever im done now.
Oh yeah and the entire five years we lived there they never gave my husband any other calling and the first two years we lived there they stuck me in the nursery. FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS!!!
When they finally released me, women in the ward wanted to know where i had just moved from to be in the ward.
Subject: Re: What “calling” pushed you over the edge???
Date: Aug 11 08:22
Author: Crathes
Mail Address:


Gospel Doctrine Teacher was my favorite! I hit for the cycle (four years – all books). I never used the manual, just taught from the source. I was honest, and pointed out issues and problems. I can’t remember how many people would say things like, “Well, my seminary teacher told me…” These people are 40+ years old and they still quote a semiary teacher? I would prove from the scriptures where the teacher was wrong. Also, I planted lots of questions in people’s minds. Did a lot of studying, and that’s what has led me to look for the exit.
Subject: EQ Prez was a real hard time
Date: Aug 11 09:11
Author: confused
Mail Address:


They split the ward, and several families disappeared along with my Elders, and new High Priests were needed leaving a half dozen actives in the Quorum including me and my councilors.About that time, they got a new Bishop who was a jerk. His idea of leadership was to expect it to be done with no input(except to issue orders) or support from him. Also at this time the Stake decided that we needed to get ALL of the families visited which in our decimated Q meant giving people 14 or more families. This sparked a lot of behind my back criticism, to which I was fully supportive.

Then my 2C went inactive, and later my 1C got married leaving me with only my 4 Elders. Our inability to pick up the slack was a thorn in the Bishops side. Apparently, we weren’t faithful enough to now have 18 people on our lists and visit them, so I gave up. You guys visit who you can, and let the Bishop have the inactives. I will not hold you accountable for this unattainable goal.

When I was released three years later, I was overjoyed. And once the meeting was over, I let the Stake councilor know in writing just what a horrible experience it was to work with that Bishop.

Two years later I was called to be that Bishops councilor during a time when there was a lot of heavy turmoil at home with teen/police trouble, and extensive hospitalization, and I really needed to be home instead of countless meetings and functions.

The Bishop released my wife as Primary teacher, saying that she would need more time to support me in my calling.

Hard to believe I endured it all.

Subject: Ward Mission Leader
Date: Aug 11 09:33
Author: Hopi Bon!
Mail Address:


During a Stake meeting it was suggested that I invite my non-Christian Korean neighbors from two doors down to a bbq at my house. The Stake would make sure the missionaries would happen to stop by at the same time. How convenient.When I said I wouldn’t do it I was asked “Why do you think they moved here? (I live in Mormon central). I explained that he is a computer programmer, which ten years ago where I live there were two major software companies.

They said I needed to follow the spirit and that’s when I told them that I quit.

Subject: Re: What “calling” pushed you over the edge???
Date: Aug 11 10:09
Author: bolok the ancient
Mail Address:


Why would Elder’s?
The sacrament preparation/blessing/PASSING belongs to Aronic priesthood!
Subject: Unless your at BYU and their are no aaronic P’s just 1000 children under 2 n/t
Date: Aug 11 10:20
Author: tngal
Mail Address:


 
Subject: Re: What “calling” pushed you over the edge???
Date: Aug 11 11:52
Author: CosmoMcK
Mail Address:


The calling that did it for me was ward clerk. We had just moved into a ward somewhere in rural America, and I was looking for a job, fresh out of the military, wondering what I was going to do, etc. I had a lot of concerns. The bishop hit me up about being the ward clerk, which I politely declined, stating that I had a lot of other stuff bearing down on me. The jerk then asks me if I’m morally clean! I was shocked, but said yes, I am, but I want to get a job first and get into a situation where I can take care of my family. He told me to pray about it and we would talk the next week.The next week, it was the same thing. He reminded me of te covenants I had made, stating that turning down a calling from him was the same as turning down a calling from the Lord. Well I turned him down again.

This went on every time I saw the bishop for almost two months, and it got unbearable for me to even go to church. so I stopped going. That was the last time I ever set foot in that church. My wife (at the time) told me that if she had to decide between me or the church, she would choose the church, and our marriage went downhill from there. We were shortly divorced.

It was interesting to see the arm twisting a bishop would go through to get someone to accept a calling. He used spiritual blackmail, in stating that I was covenanted to accept or it would have spiritual consequences. He immediately jumped to me not being morally clean, simply because I didn’t feel that I could handle the added pressure of the calling at that time. I can’t prove it 100%, but I think the bishop was using my wife against me. Also, the “pray about it until you see things my way” was too much.

That was the calling that broke the camel’s back for me. The next time I went to that church was to tape me resignation letter to the door. I felt kinda like Martin Luther, but the simple truth is that I didn’t have tha mailing address to the church.

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8 Responses to “This calling pushed me over the edge and caused me to leave mormonism.”

  1. Seth R. Says:

    Just curious.

    Do you think this sort of thing goes on in other churches?

    Or just the Mormon ones?

    • measure76 Says:

      These experiences are particularly mormon, because of the way that cult is run.

      I would expect similar, but not mirrored, stories from ex-JW’s or Scientologists.

  2. Seth R. Says:

    The flavor may be different, but I’d wager the dish is the same.

    Stupidity is sort of a universal human curse. I imagine you’d find similar stories in any human organization.

    It’s why stuff like the Dilbert comic strip exists.

  3. Timothy Berman Says:

    Actually, Christian churches are without their drama and politics. I know because I used to work as a janitor with an Assemblies of God church and trust me, the things listed here are a picnic compared to the politicking behind close doors in that church.

  4. LOVEBUG Says:

    I am sorry you guys have had rough experiences. So have I with church leadership. Some serious ones. But I hope you ALWAYS focus on your relationship with Heavenly Father and our Savior and find peace through them. ANY other leader is still a man and putting faith in a man of flesh is setting you up for the fall. I endured a lot of negative experiences but for me I am grateful that I have drawn closer to our Savior and Heavenly Father. I hope you all find peace in your life!

    • measure76 Says:

      In other words, because they are men, all leaders and all prophets will always fail? They cannot and will not lead you closer to God?

      • Bree Says:

        no-because they are men if they make mistakes,we cant or at least shouldnt, blame it on faulty doctrine,just because you think that what the person is doing isnt right(which it probably isnt if your haveing problems with it)does not mean that the doctrine is not correct,or that no person can help you become closer to God

        • Measure76 Says:

          Heh. You’re speaking for lovebug? Interesting. So, where can I find proof of this “God” of which you speak… and I mean tangible proof, not anything based on feelings.

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